Lately...

The last 4 weeks have been brilliant... I've been working through a lot of stuff. Becky has been working through a lot of stuff. Together we have been working through a lot of stuff. Working through stuff = freedom. I've actually enjoyed life in recent weeks.

Hold On

Hi Blog,

I will be returning soon... hang in there.

PS. The Seeming

Been a While

Not sure why it only allows me to write on the edit html tab but ok- still getting used to the web on the iPad. Let me just say I hate the Lakers and forgive me father... Its been forever since my last post. Hopefully I can get back to it. Don't really have a lot to say at the moment.

No time to talk... you know the drill.

Wow, I can't believe it's been 9 days since my last confession! I haven't honestly been reading or blogging in the last week (obviously). This past work week kicked me in the balls. I had several reports to write and a lot of big issues going on. Sucks, because I really need this... RARR!!! Liam will not lay down for a nap. This sucks... gotta go.

Gut Check

In this morning's read:

"Cultivate your own relationship with God, but don't impose it on others. You're fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you're not sure, if you notice that you are acting in ways inconsistent with what you believe—some days trying to impose your opinions on others, other days just trying to please them—then you know that you're out of line. If the way you live isn't consistent with what you believe, then it's wrong."

So brutal...

Unfortunately this interpretation leaves some gray area in the word "believe." How do we formulate what we "believe?" God's word? Other believers? Divine revelation? Prayer? What we're taught by our parents?

Earlier in this passage Paul writes this when discussing "beliefs":

"Or, say, one person thinks that some days should be set aside as holy and another thinks that each day is pretty much like any other. There are good reasons either way. So, each person is free to follow the convictions of conscience."

So when all else fails is the "conscience" or the convictions of the "conscience" what determines belief? In my line of work I have reason to believe the conscience can be faulty. In fact, after acting in a manner consistently that goes against the original prompting of the conscience, after some time, the conscience becomes numb doesn't it? It seems that the term conscience which is a human means of logic should be replaced with the Holy Spirit in this place, that is, if you're a Christian. Otherwise, you are left simply with your conscience. So then if we rely on the Holy Spirit to guide and determine how our beliefs are formulated we can't go wrong right? Then I have to ask myself when is it the Holy Spirit I am hearing and when is it my own conscience? I am thinking that as I grow closer to God and as I spend more time in prayer and knowing Him... I will know myself better. I am hoping that as I continue to search this out the voice of the Holy Spirit becomes increasingly audible leaving no room for doubt.

Disclaimer: I know I am no philosopher and I also know that I am reading a very non-credible translation in the "Message" Bible. One of my friends told me a while back to enjoy this translation but make sure to take it with a grain of salt. I think as times goes on I will continue to discuss whatever blah I am thinking about the text in this blog.

O morning,

Day two of being home... things are settling in again but how I love being home. I've been trying to explain to Becky this feeling that has settled regarding being a parent. Being a parent... in so many ways... sucks. It's a ridiculous amount of work and moments to yourself just don't exist. Not only does it take a toll on you personally but you have the added stress of making sure that these individuals that God entrusted become good little human beings. I was talking with a colleague yesterday about the concept of "Tabula Rasa" (blank slate for those of you not familiar with Erikson). We might not be entirely blank when we come into this world and certainly there are genetic dispositions but I am entirely responsible for the way my children's worldview is shaped. That's effin scary!! Nonetheless, the feeling I referred to earlier is that my attitude has evolved into expecting and taking on that challenge. I don't feel as if I am all that scared anymore but rather that I expect this of myself. Pouring into my children has become less of a duty and more of a privilege. It's pretty cool because in many ways that concept has transformed my daily attitude in that I have a few precious years with these boys to demonstrate to them God's love and gosh dang it I am not going to waste them pissin and moanin about having no time to myself. I am not saying time away isn't important, in fact it's rejuvenating and last week being away really showed me how much I really love my family on a level I did not realize.

So Over It...

Florida has been nice but I am so ready to get out of here. I was hoping to split this morning but that was a no go. My sibs and I were hoping for tonight but that was also a no go. Little frustrated right now as I'd really like to see my family. I'm also not getting home until Sunday morning now which leaves me one night to try and sleep before work the next day. Knew I should have bought that Wednesday flight home but whatever. Can't say I am too happy with my parents right now as they aren't really thinking of anyone else... but whatever. Feel like a high school kid again- thank God we grow up. I kind of knew that this week would get rough but I had kept it under raps until today. It just further shows me the qualities in my parents that I prefer not to embrace. Anyways... the morning will come (not) soon enough.

Message

Liked this passage today... the Message Bible might not be spot on with language and all that but I really enjoy it. I read through an NIV passage like 3 times and could not connect... put it into the Message format and bam!

Well, now is the right time to listen, the day to be helped. Don't put it off; don't frustrate God's work by showing up late, throwing a question mark over everything we're doing. Our work as God's servants gets validated—or not—in the details. People are watching us as we stay at our post, alertly, unswervingly . . . in hard times, tough times, bad times; when we're beaten up, jailed, and mobbed; working hard, working late, working without eating; with pure heart, clear head, steady hand; in gentleness, holiness, and honest love; when we're telling the truth, and when God's showing his power; when we're doing our best setting things right; when we're praised, and when we're blamed; slandered, and honored; true to our word, though distrusted; ignored by the world, but recognized by God; terrifically alive, though rumored to be dead; beaten within an inch of our lives, but refusing to die; immersed in tears, yet always filled with deep joy; living on handouts, yet enriching many; having nothing, having it all.

God stuff... wonderful contrasts of living this epic adventure.

Easter

Easter morning is here... the weekend leading up to this day was dreadful. I spent 24 hours in a car sicker than a dog. I still am sick... and sore. I wanted to run on the beach but have not been healthy enough to get to that point yet. Anyways, this morning was the first enjoyable moment of this trip as of yet (with the exception of seeing my babies on iChat yesterday). I woke after a LONG night of family snoring and coughing and took my MacBook down to the patio where I sat and read the Passion with the sound of the ocean and the sunrise in the backdrop. What a beautiful morning... thank you God for the Son!! I'm wishing I was home with my wife and kids and spending Easter at the Hope. I wish I could see how the video I made turns out but I am thankful for time off and the opportunity to be on this trip.

Yuck...

So it's the night before I leave for Florida and I have been losing fluid through my lower region for approximately 36 hours straight. Enough said...

Serpent in the Grass

Haven't had many moments to get on lately... in fact, I only have a few right now. Worship at Epic went terrific today (at least I thought it did). It was nice to have Corban on as he always adds another atmosphere to the music. I could even hear their congregation singing today so that was nice.
I have four day until I leave for Florida. I set up iChat last night so that I can stay in touch with my family while I'm gone and hopefully Gavin will get a kick out of seeing daddy on the computer talking to him. Love my babies. Mmmmk... Beck just left a bit ago with the boys to go to my mom's to color eggs. I committed to helping Corban with a recital so I am missing out on that as well as the State game today. If they win they go to the Final Four but I am thinking an "L" might be in their future as Lucas has to watch from the sidelines. We'll see though... they've pulled off the last two without him. Okie doke.. til next time.

Tired...

For whatever reason as of my last post I thought I was leaving for FLA this weekend... not so. This week of work and next... what a blow. I guess it allows me to get things in check before taking off. I always try not to over-commit but it seems this is an impossibility. Between work and fatherhood I have to manage the middle school ball team Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday this week, the Epic worship team Thursday and Sunday, the SWARM team Thursday, Corban's practice and recital Saturday and Sunday afternoon, and trying to film and edit about three more "testimonies" for the Easter video. I'm sure I am forgetting a few things but all this on top of trying to be a good husband and dad is wearing. Thankfully this is the last week for anything "worship through music" for a while and it's also the last week of the middle school boy's team. There are things I am not focused on at work that I need to commit to and I just don't know how to go about it. There's also some crappy situations with a couple of my residents I have no clue how to handle. Sucks... This whole church thing took an odd turn tonight as well I can't explain. Blah....

Good morning...

Enjoyed the Olive Garden with my wife last night, came home and watched State barely eek by thanks to some terrible officiating. Got up and played ball this morning... talking to Becky as I type... she just went grocery shopping. This will likely be my last weekend of "assistant" coaching the middle school boys as next week I head to Florida with the fam. Should be interesting. I just want this work week to be over and I feel like it's going to drag on and on. Although in some weird ways I do not want to go to Florida because I will be away from Beck and the kids for like 9 days. That's a long time... makes me sad just thinking about it. Anyways... that's about it. It's been so nice lately and this morning freakin snow... should be an interesting drive to GR. Blah.

Day #2

Another day.... Day #2. Wanting to work out but not motivated to do so. My boys slept through the night last night which was a phenomenal blessing but I am still exhausted. Good news... one of my toughest residents will be moving on. Bad news... tough decisions were made today as I handed in my key. There's something awesome waiting on the horizon though... need to keep my eyes ahead. 

Came across this and liked it... I Corinthians 4 (New Message)... Paul to the church... 

I'm writing as a father to you, my children. I love you and want you to grow up well, not spoiled. There are a lot of people around who can't wait to tell you what you've done wrong, but there aren't many fathers willing to take the time and effort to help you grow up. 

My First Blog...

Wow, blogger asks me to title the name of my blog for now and all time... don't ask me to be so creative on the spot. The spontaneity's just not flowing. So anyways... today was just another day in the life of Dallas Beckett. Took the kids to grandma's and went to work. Weather is getting better which instills motivation to get things accomplished and become active and yet Spring for whatever reason at times gives me a feeling of sadness that I can't really identify. Lots of decisions to be made in the near future. Wrestling with where I am supposed to be... I'll try and keep up with this but for whatever reason I bet this is a one time deal. Thanks blogger for allowing me to "express" on this one occasion.